i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
