dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
