Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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