Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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