He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
