I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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