the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
