So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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