it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
