He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
