omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
