my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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