He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
