Someone shit on the floor
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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