Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
