So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Randomize
