she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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