I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
