billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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