Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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