Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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