I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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