I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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