forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
