im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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