I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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