she was so not down for the gang bang
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
