this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
