shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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