ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize