we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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