WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
