6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
