Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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