Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
