Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
