I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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