At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
