She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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