from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
