You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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