Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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