were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He better not be in your backpack
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
