There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
All the doctor said was why
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
