FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
