I feel great
I just peed on a car
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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