I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
