So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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