So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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