i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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