She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
