living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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