I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
