soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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