literally had 100 drinks last night.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
