thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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