I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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