she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
