Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
