You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
