Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
whose ass print is on the piano?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
