Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
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want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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