census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
