Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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