the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
