The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
