$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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