Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
