I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
