oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
