Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
