Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
