i can't believe i had my finger in that
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
