Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
