So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
