All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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