I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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