I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
