there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
