Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
