Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
