There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The best revenge is premature balding
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
