I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
