No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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