I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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