it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
