I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
