you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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